No Place to Poo! My Company's Horrible Toilets

Here is one of our company's toilets. It looks like a decent enough toilet at first glance, but I have a ton of complaints. First, you may notice the bidet on the toilet. "That is very nice of your company," you may say. However, this strikes me as being dirty. It might just be the constant streams of employees who run into the bathroom moaning in pain, sit down, and then literally explode on the toilet, thereafter using the bidet (which undoubtedly just got covered in fecal matter) to give themselves an enema by turning it on super-duper powerful firehose level strength. Mid-enema, you then hear another series of explosions as their body gets its fill of water and ejects said material back out. This is really gross! And no doubt, the toilet gets covered in germs. Needless to say, whoever suggested putting enemas, I mean bidets, on the toilet, didn't think too hard. So the cleaning lady didn't appreciate the way the enema splashes water onto the front of the seat and floor. So her solution was to put the tissue between the front of the seat and toilet, which you can see below up close. You can see from this picture that she just rolls up toilet paper, which then gets drenched by the bidet geyser when it goes off. But does something else happen too? If you look at the front part of the lid and at the top of the bottom side of the lid in this next picture you can see some interesting colors, which are definitely not clear as water is.

The brownish color makes me suspect that indeed something else is happening here. The final straw for me is that not only is there filth and germs on the bottom of the seat, but after each enema, a spray of water is left down the backside of the seat as well, meaning if I want to sit, I either have to get the previous person's enema all over my bottom, or I have to wipe it off. Finally, all of this would be a little bit less retarded if there were strong chemicals being used to clean the bathroom, but I have never, ever smelled anything like that in there. In fact, I have seen the cleaning lady take the used tissues from the trash can and wipe down the sinks and the counter (where we wash our hands). I see plenty of people blow their noses into those things, so I make a point of not touching anything if possible.
I guess the company felt bad about making us use a bathroom in this way, so they pipe in music now. Have you ever tried squeezing out a big one to that great classic "Beat it"? Or how about a song which is perfect to describe my disgust with the bathroom, "Take my Breath Away". Also, I heard Titanic theme song in there today, and yesterday they had "away in a manger", yes, the song about Jesus' birth.