koreaspondent

How To Spot an Alcoholic Early On

2008-11-03T22:01:00.002+09:00

As a parent you always want to be thinking about the future of your children and how to help them be happier when they grow up. To do this, you need to be able to recognize those often subtle and evasive signs that may hint at things such as dyslexia or ADHD. Then other times, you will just be hit in the head with a sign of your child's future tendencies...

Dildos R Us

2008-11-01T11:18:00.002+09:00

I saw one of the delivery trucks for that great new business that sells dildoes in Korea.

The Joys of Going to Macao

2008-11-01T11:09:00.004+09:00

So I had to go to Macao recently, and I thought it was part of mainland China in that you needed a visa. So I went to get one. China has outsourced its visa program to a bunch of slimeball leeches that hang out in these dirty little places filled with people waiting for visas from China. I really can't say how disgusted I am with this.

At any rate, if you ever have to go get one, don't go to this place. They are liars, cheaters, and worse than the rest. I explained very carefully that I needed a visa to Macao. They did not warn me off with "oh no you don't", instead they said "sure, give me your money." Then they also lied about how long it would take and made me miss my flight. I had to delay it a day.

Just to let you know how safe this place is with your pasports, I snapped this dude with a whole 가방 full of them. Just some delivery dude rifling through the hundres of passports in his 가방. All I can say is Wow! China is really safe and has created a very safe system for getting your passport! Let's all cheer them on!

Hotel Conveniences

2008-11-01T11:03:00.002+09:00

There are some things I really appreciate ina good business hotel. I mean if I am goin to pay $350 a night in Hong Kong then I want some conveniences. However, I don't know why they feel it is a convenience to fold the end of my toilet paper roll. Perhaps it could be a secret signal: I cleaned the bathroom, can't you see the folded toliet paper roll? But I would like it if they didn't waste time doing that and instead changed myTV to a flat screen 56".

At $350 a night you know they can afford it.

A Transparent Life

2008-11-01T10:59:00.002+09:00

I like the transparent shells they put on some machines now, like transparent elevators, transparent computer cases, etc. But the bathroom wall? This is in Singapore's new airport terminal. You get a nice view of the departure hall, and they get a nice view of you while taking a whiz. I guess it's okay because of the leaves hanging down across the glass. Kind of an artsy thing, not one of those porno things.

Tape it shut!

2008-11-01T10:55:00.005+09:00

I was picking someone up from the hotel and they had a large piece of luggage. The dude at the entrance (I'm not sure what the word for him is) had the bright idea of taping my trunk shut in order to keep it closed aroung the luggage. This is a bad, bad idea. It pulls paint off and is very hard to get off becasue of the residue it leaves. Koreans have some sort of obsession with tape. They tape bags shut, tape sandwich wrappers shut, tape letters shut, etc. I guess they tape car doors shut now too.

Inchon Airport: A World Best Air Hub!

2008-10-23T22:48:00.006+09:00

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Need I say anything else? This phrase completely makes the point that this entry is intended to make: just as this phrase is phonetically dysfunctional, the Inchon Airport is also functionally dysfunctional. Does that sentence even make sense? I guess in talking about the Inchon Airport, nothing needs to.

I liked the Inchon Airport the first few times I used it. Lots of convenient carts, no lines at immigration or security, lots of food places to choose from, no stupid trains to ride to get to terminals, a complete dual-level structure to separate the comers from the goers, and a goofy, but nice architecture. However, the airport has grown into a beast of a bad airport over the years.

1. Shitty toll fees: I like cruising the airport quickly as much as the next guy, but every time I go through that damn set of tollgates and get kicked in the balls for 7,400 KRW, I feel a lot of resentment. Only the kick in the balls I get going back out makes me more resentful at the retards in the Korean government that allowed a private company to own the road to the airport.

2. As long as I’m on transportation, how about those taxi drivers from hell? You get attacked by these dudes as soon as you come out the gate asking if you need a taxi. I used to dislike those dudes, until I met the dudes sitting in line at the taxi stand. The difference? The dudes inside are Seoul taxis who brought people out to the airport. Actually, they are willing to negotiate, will often follow the meter, and even will let you pay with a credit card if you meet the right dude. However, you need to be careful to negotiate the tollgate fee: nothing is more painful than a kick in the balls when you are a passenger, and not even the owner of the car. If you make the mistake of getting past those guys, you get to the Inchon Taxis from Hell. They will go by the meter, and then charge you double for having to go back to the airport empty. They will let you get kicked in the balls at the airport gate, and they won’t take your credit cards. I only had the experience of dealing with one of those scumbags once, and I was out of his slime-hole within 10 seconds of getting in. I went straight back in to find a Seoul taxi. This is the kind of taxi service provided at a World Best Hub?

3. Trains: So they finally got smart and decided to build a train, an attempt to catch up with real world class airports, like the Hong Kong airport, which has a fabulous train. Well, not unlike the way the whole airport operates, the train is slightly retarded too. First, it is 7 years late. Most places try to build at the time the grand airport is built. Second, it stops pretty far away, although a fact that can be overcome. Third, it only goes to that Gimpy airport near Seoul. Apparently it is being extended to Seoul Station and City hall, which will make it nice, but until it does, it is just a useless little train. I guess the redeeming feature is that it does not kick you in the balls when you pass the tollgates.

4. That retard of a green house: I’m talking about the world designed maze of

escalators and elevators that leads from the train to the airport. Every try getting to the airport with luggage or a cart? Well, to move up to the mid-level floor, you have to go up 1 full floor, and then down one more. I don’t know how the math works, or maybe they thought you needed something to do during your three hour wait (does anybody really show up that early any more), but whatever, it takes time and it is retarded. This dyslexic design is one more gleaming jewel at the World Best Hub. I once thought I would walk down the center of the thing and out the end to the long-term parking lot. I was on the ground floor and assumed there would be a door. I went through this awful green house thing with all kinds of plants, only to get to the end and find no exit. That is a fire hazard. Maybe I will burn it down and solve the problem.

You also find many of the elevators with this helpful sign on them. First, if you don’t read Korean, you wouldn’t know what it said, second if you do, you would be pissed, because you would understand that this World Best Hub doesn’t have enough money to run its elevators, so it is “saving energy”.

5. So now that you got to the airport, and got through the fairly convenient check-in, let’s get some grub. That’s nice, there’s a BK, a Lotteria, and a McDonalds in the basement. Then a bunch of no-name crap. Oh wait, they remodeled. Now there’s half a BK, a McDonalds that raised it’s prices because it’s rent doubled, a Lotteria, and even more no-name crap. Well, screw that, I’ll go inside to get Subway, BK, or KFC in that spacious food court. Just a note here as I am going through security, if that idiot at the entrance ever tells you your luggage is too big to carry on, give her the bird, and walk to one of the other 150 entrances into the security area. I wanted to just tell her she is the dumbest lady in the world, but I guess I won’t break her little dream bubble of happiness in knowing she stopped evil foreigners from using up all the overhead space on the airplane. Ok, now that I’m past security, lets go get some Subway, BK, or KFC. What? They got rid of the food court in exchange for an overpriced cosmetics, liquor, or purse shop?
3. Remodeling: So they decided that they weren’t getting enough money back from all of us evil foreigners leaving the country with the money we earned from the poor Koreans, so they got rid of those low-revenue food shops and got in those high-revenue duty free shops. Well, there was a judgment error somewhere in there. They forgot that unlike Koreans, not everyone else in the world likes overpriced cosmetics, purses, and liquor. Maybe that’s why there is a sudden lack of dollars. It all left at the airport. Now I have to go up to the fourth floor to get my burger. At least the Subway is still on the departure level, albeit at the very end, and small enough to be missed if you don’t squint and look closely.

I think this pictures does an excellent job of showing the great ability the leaders of this great airport have in deciding what to put where and what concepts will work. Might as well just bring in the Yeongdungpo Girls and put them with electronics too. I'm sure it would be more popular than the ginseng.

6. Terminal 2: So the Inchon Airport never struck me as the busiest airport. However, they go with Kevin Costner’s philosophy that relates to something about building and coming. If all the other World Best Hubs out there were poorly planned enough to have to build a second terminal, then shouldn’t the Inchon Airport too? So during remodeling, they went ahead and added it. So now the previously not-busy airport, looks even less busy because all the foreign airlines went out to the second terminal. I imagine they didn’t want to pay whatever exorbitant fees are charged to park at terminal one.

If anyone ever meets the misfit that heads up that airport, please give him a nice fist to the stomach for me. I want to thank him for the great job he has done in creating a world best hub.

The risingcost of goods...

2008-10-21T22:35:00.000+09:00

You know inflation is setting in when fast food shops start charging $10 for a refill. I know the cost of Coca Cola has gone up, but to $10 for a cup’s worth of Soda?

Only in Idaho...

2008-09-24T10:06:00.001+09:00

The serious science that occurs in the potato state.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

2008-09-23T21:39:00.002+09:00

Two of my friends commented I had not posted in more than two months. The worst thing about that was that another friend's blog, which I thought was less well attended to than mine has a more recent post. So it is time to post some more.

Just a few things that I've noticed recently that show that Korea is a mad, mad, mad, mad country:
1. Police cannot trace the location of a cellphone: Just saw this report on MBC News. If you call 119, the fire hotline, they can trace your location. If you call 112, the police hotline, they cannot. Logic being that the police might use it to invade your privacy. Well, if I were a chick running away from a dude who was trying to do something to me, I would sure as hell want my privacy invaded. This is just some kind of weird flaw in logic. It is okay for every single damn organization in the country to demand your ID number, but heaven forbid the police find out where you are calling from when you report a crime.

2. Crazy M.B.: The dude is about as far off the deep end as you can get. He is so far off that he has started bringing out the giant canal stick again. I thought that idea was dead and riddled with bullet holes. Apparently not. Anyway, his latest brilliant move was reduce the taxes on houses that are sold and wroth more than a million bucks, while increasing property taxes on everyone's house to make up the difference. Wow! That is a Robin Hood in reverse if I've ever seen one. Good job M.B.! I think you will definitely win in the race to disgrace.

3. Dudes in double trouble: This was on MBC too. So some dudes get drunk, and go to spend some time with the neighborhood ladies o the night. They don't have money so they ask the employees to go and get them money using their cards. Now, that is stupid enough as it is. But there's more. So the employees get the money for the dudes and then record the card number and PIN number (wow! what a surprise! you would think those prostitutes would be a little more ethical in their work life! I mean where are your morals for crying out loud? You would think they would even sell their own bodies if it earned them money... oh wait...). So then the employees make fake cards and start withdrawing money. Well, at this point, I would just shut down that account and realize I was stupid to have given my card to one of such high moral standards. But these dudes report it to the police. Now the police are investigating, but also planning on charging the dudes with involvement in prostitution. I like what the MBC anchor said "이종으로 혼나게 생겼습니다." Yeah, I'd say so.

We need a raise! We'll bust your windows till we get it!

2008-06-26T22:48:00.005+09:00

I support a nice raise as much as the next guy, and I think strikes to show that support are fine, but somehow, I don't imagine that the company officials are in a real good mood after you go bust up their HQ windows and doors and camp out there all day. I went to meet our company’s counsel in Korea for lunch, I parked the car in the basement of their office (the Hancook Tire Building) and headed out. We got back from lunch only to find a

nice stack of chairs and lots of broken glass in the entrance to the building. Then the parking lot and entrance to the underground parking lot were blocked by police and rioters. The labor union was up in arms about not allowing some of the sister companies to Hancook Tire unionize, and probably other wage increases and crap. That’s fine with me, but again, causing damage to company proeperty probably isn’t very helpful.

I guess in Korea that is the way it is done however. I just wish they wouldn’t have blocked the parking lot for five hours. My car was stuck. I just had to go visit other places in the neighborhood until 5 p.m. when both sides decide its time to go home. I think it might be really effective to camp out all night, but I guess that would be asking too much fo them. After all, most of this is just for show.

Hyundai Steals a decent design

2008-06-25T18:33:00.002+09:00

So I’ve started seeing the i30 from Hyundai everywhere. It seems like just a couple of months ago I saw it for my first time, and now I counted like 30 just on a single 10km drive in Seoul. Looking at the car, it is actually pretty well designed. I think Hyundai really put down the big bucks and either bribed a designer from VW to send them the plans for their mini-car, or paid a really good lawyer to figure out how to rip the design off without getting caught. Oh wait, I just found out which. If you check this story out it says they did ge ta designer from Volkswagen.
Either way, the car is pretty nice looking. I’d imagine if you got a souped up one of these, it would look all right. The price ranges from 12-19k, so it is not bad in that regard. Too bad everyone discovered it, because now everyone has one and it is no longer cool. I guess it does speak to the power of a well-designed car. Too bad Hyundai and Kia hasn’t applied that principle to any of their other cars, like the Sonata, Grandeur, E-Quif, etc.

The Rainy Season?

2008-06-25T18:25:00.002+09:00

So what is 장마? This is a beautiful picture of the nice blue sky taken out of my window at the office this morning. It was the same on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday as well. I thought there would be a technical definition of 장마, such as a season which produces lots of rain due to a confluence of warm and cold fronts. However, looking in the yahoo 국어 사전 rainstorms that continue for a long period of time (or multiple storms of a continued period of time. I was thinking it might be Chinese based, as in 장기적 for the 장, but the Yahoo dictionary doesn't offer any 한자, and it usually does if it is Chinese based. Anyhow, I wouldn't consider four days of sunshine continuous rain. I seem to remember 장마 as lots of rain for a long time. So far, this 장마, which they claim started early last week has been pretty weak. Maybe we will get the real 장마 in August again, like last year. Maybe someone needs to tell the meteorologists here about El Nino, La Nina, Global Warming, or whatever else could be affecting this and tell them the season shifted.

Protect Yourself With a Condom on Your Head

2008-06-18T10:03:00.005+09:00

Well, we all know how protective Koreas are of their health after seeing them mass rioting over 미친 소. But I recently have seen it go to new heights. I started seeing guys wearing condoms on their heads all the time. I suppose it doesn't hurt, as there is always a chance you could find a use for it during the day, but do you really need to show off your condom-covered head in public? I know it sounds kind of weird, but I was seeing this everywhere I went. What was even more surprising was the women were wearing protective gear too. It never occurred to me that it would be necessary, but I suppose you can never be too safe. It could be the same idea as non-insured coverage on your car insurance. It is just there to protect you on the off-chance something unexpected happens. This must be some kind of cultural revolution, because from what I saw, complete strangers would encourage people to use their head condoms. I mean what right does a complete stranger have to tell you to put a piece of rubber over your very own head. That seems kind of an invasion of privacy to me. But they were even refusing service to people who weren’t protecting themselves. That is pretty forward-thinking. I was tempted to start pulling the condoms off of the heads, but I was just too nervous that I would get beat up by touching a vital organ on their body. What really blew me away was that they were also teaching this to their kids. I mean do little kids really need a condom on their heads? I don't necessarily think that handing out condoms to high school during health class and teaching them how to use them is a bad thing, as those kids are old enough and probably a good percentage of them do use them, but for little kids? I think that might just be putting the wrong idea in their head. Anyway, Caribbean bay freaked me out with all those head condoms and life jackets. Never again.

Catering to a Dumb Audience

2008-06-18T09:56:00.003+09:00

So McDonald’s has decided that the most important thing they can convey to their customers right now is “we think you are dumber than a fencepost.” Well, they don’t exactly say it that way, but this does a pretty good job of it. People are so freaked out about that nasty, bad American beef infecting them with 미친소 disease that McD’s has to advertise where it’s beef comes from. First of all, McDonald’s could use all the beef that Korea allowed in last tie and it still wouldn’t be enough to make burgers in more than one store for a week. Second of all, their burger prices would have to go up to be using that beef in their burgers. Third of all, does anybody who eats at McDs really go there because of the healthy food? You know you are going to die eventually, it’s just a matter of time. So if 미친소 gets you 10 years down, or the fat in the sandwich 20 years down, who cares? I suppose the average elementary-age mentality of the Koreans does.

The Pains of a Long Johnson

2008-06-18T09:50:00.000+09:00

Like any guy, I like to sit down on the pot and enjoy a couple minutes of rest and relaxation. However, in Korea that may not be possible depending on the toilet. As you can see from this picture, the distance from the toilet seat down to the water is just under a square of toilet paper. Now go to the bathroom and get a square of toilet paper. Close the stall door and compare it with your Johnson. For me, it doesn’t measure up. This means that any rest and relaxation is going to end up with my Johnson taking a swim in bacteria infested waters. No R&R for the weary I guess. I suppose it is no problem for the 99% of the population in Korea (Koreans) because their Johnsons don’t measure up, but still, it would be nice if they would adjust he water level for the 1% of us who do. By the way, don’t just waste that square of toilet paper. You can fold it back on the roll and let someone else use it. We need to be more conscientious about recycling here.

Following Directions...

2008-06-18T09:46:00.001+09:00

I love Costco, and I am so happy they import lots of good foreign-made things into Korea. However, they need to train their employees on the finer points of following directions and storing bicycles. I imagine that whatever caused the manufacturer to make the packages as such, has already occurred. I would guess it would be something to do with the chain or gears. Happy Trails on those bikes!

Shitty Blue Jeans

2008-06-18T09:33:00.001+09:00

I think that looks like a great slogan for Levi or Gap in seling their next line of overalls. I know the Korean is referring to the style, not the contents of the seat, but still, this just cracked me up. I stil get the same laugh out of 시티은행 and 시티폰 and 시티택시. They are all such accurate names. I suppose that is what South Park gets its laughs out of on the 시티 Wok Chinese guy.

배꼽은 배 보다 크다

2008-05-19T21:36:00.005+09:00

I think this is a pretty good way to define 배꼽은 배 보다 크다. This is the new bicycle garage at the 영등포 구청. The big size of the building already points to the fact that it costs more than a bike rack. Here are a couple of better close ups.

I didn't try opening it and seeing if it cost money, but do you really need a separate garage for a bicycle. I know they are not only using my tax money to do this, but probably paying way to much for what it would cost if a person with a normal brain built it.

I would guess that they likely spent $300,000 (probably conservative estimate)building this. If they stuck that in the bank at 5% interest, they would get $15,000 a year. They could then buy 30 $500 bicycles a year. I somehow doubt that more than 30 bicycles were lost a year there. I would say just giving people money when their bicycle got lost would be a better use of my tax funds.

Baby Killin Games

2008-05-19T20:54:00.003+09:00

You know, the only redeeming part about this story is that it didn't happen in the U.S. Because if it did, the couple would be suing Blizzard for making such an engrossing game. In fact, I like how the article makes sure to mention that it is a U.S. game maker. More people have died now from games than from Mad Cow Disease, maybe they should go out and hold candle vigils against games too. For that matter, fan death is a pretty serious cause of death. Why don't we see them out there candlelighting against fan makers too? This story just disgusts me from more than on angle. What about the quote from the police? Did they actually consider not filing charges?

Finally, some relief from expensive toys through Toys R Us

2008-05-12T22:42:00.004+09:00

So the famed American Toy Store has come to Korea. It’s about time we got a decent, big-box toy store that will cut all the retail margin off of toy prices and sell them to us at decent prices. I have especially been fed up with the ridiculous prices on baby products. We will finally get some relief from $400 car seats and strollers. I thought I would go check it out, so I headed over to Toys R Us (it is in the basement of the 롯데마트 located at 구로역). Incidentally, the store replaced B&Q, which is a British hardware chain like Home Depot. That was the only decent hardware store in Korea, and unfortunately Koreans don’t like to do that kind of stuff on their own, and it failed after just a year or so.

Well, we got to Toys R Us and I went to look at the strollers. Wow, they have really pretty looking strollers. I’m excited to get these at a good price. That’s a nice stroller. Oh wait, check out the price on that Lamborghini. Wow! I guess Toys R Us not only decided to enter the Korean Market, like every other damn foreign brand that comes here, they decided to enter it at the high end. Wow,

I can’t imagine paying $1,600 for a stroller, but I guess those rich Koreans who dote on their kids might be able to. I think I’ll use my $1,600 to buy 16 strollers of equal specs in the U.S. Then I can bring them in to Korea and sell them for $1,600 each and make a 1000% profit margin like Toys R Us. Guess I have to plan on bringing back all my baby stuff from the U.S. still. Damn!

What stuns me even more is that they really are taking the idea of coming in as a premium store to a new high. These babies are selling about $700 more in their store than online. That's pretty gutsy to believe your brand is worth that much. The Toys R Us 사장 korea must be either a total retard or have balls of steel to make that kind of decision.

When Hell Freezes Over

2008-05-08T22:35:00.008+09:00

That is when I will go back. Let this be a warning to any newbies in Korea, and a reminder to all old hands: the Korean word 축제 is a bad, bad word. For those of you who don’t know Korean, it means: a writhing mass of cattle herded in and out of ridiculous places in and attempt to deprive them of any dignity left to their name, including money.

Well, the direct translation is something more like a festival, but don’t assume it is actually anything of the sort. The last festival I went to was the 안면도 국제 꼿 박람회 (박람회 is also interchangeable in this use for 축제). That was five years ago. I forgot how horrible that was and made the mistake of going to the 함평 국제 나비 엑스포. So a country town tries to survive economically by holding a festival on butterflies. That doesn’t sound too exciting, right? But maybe they will have some interesting displays of butterflies, or maybe you can actually see some live ones. Well, I got tricked into going (or coerced). We arrived to these massive parking lots. That should have sent off warning alarms in my head. Then we got up to the gate and I saw that they were bending you over and cleaning out the old tailpipe for 7,000원. I would expect a bunch of bumpkins trying to make a buck on butterflies to charge about 4,000원, but fine, I guess 7,000원 was not too horrible. I then go to pay and she says 45,000원 for the three of us. 15,000 a person? For some butterflies? I had looked at the wrong table, the one for the elderly, disabled, and otherwise financially challenged like soldiers. Wow!

That is all I can say. You can get 자유 이용권’s into Everland, Lotte World, the 민속촌, Seoul Land, for that much if you get the right credit card to pay. I personally find large roller coasters more fun than butterflies. Anyway, I was already at the point of no return. I should have just sent my family in and gone back to the car at that point, because there was no way this was going to end up good for anyone. We bent over to take the abuse and then headed in. We went to eat. Again, this was terrible, cafeteria food, and again, as you can see from the pictures, these bumpkins really know how to take you to town. You can see they didn’t quite have the balls to express their ridiculous prices in 원. So they use the cute expression of 냥.

This has two meanings. It either means: “We are cute and want to use the traditional unit of money, and our product is cheap enough that it makes sense as 1,000냥. In this case, they are using a much bigger number. You can see 20,000냥. That is the other definition of 냥. It means “we expect you to really take this up the tailpipe, and to soften the impact, we are trying to be cute and say 냥. It was not cute. The food was horrible too. Then we went to see the butterflies. That was literally us being herded through these cattle gates. I kid you not, it was just like those holding pens they herd cattle through. Then you walk into this room full of the worst displays of butterflies I have ever seen. Apparently God didn’t do a good enough job, so Koreans had to take his work and make it better. You can see the beautiful blue balls of butterflies, the circles of different colors, and all the other pretty designs.

It was also stunning to see how much the Koreans admired this.

You can see the herds of people going by and looking. I really have a hard time believing these bumpkins can get away with doing this to people year after year. We then went out to see the live butterflies. It turns out they are a bunch of those white moths that are so common (the ones that stem from the green caterpillars). Then they had a couple of different varieties in big glass containers so you couldn’t actually touch them. You know, I can go out into any park and see those moths. I didn’t need to take out a second mortgage to attend the festival and see them there. They even add to the joy by selling butterfly wings, hats, shirts, pants, and shoes to your kids. Then they sell those little green moth caterpillars to you in a little plastic cage. The profit margin on those is like 99%, because it is the cost of the cage. Well, I hope I have given you a good enough idea of what a farce these places are. I will never, ever, ever, go back, and neither should you. The one last comment I will end this rant with is that 국제 is a very fee term here. It means: “we have absolutely no foreigners here and are a very xenophobic, homogenous set of mongrels from Mongolia. Thus we say we are international.” I guess technically I was there, so it was international, but still…

P.S.: Of course, my wife was all upset with me for complaining the whole time. I knew that this would never turn out well. I guess I just may not understand this aspect of Korean culture (desire to mass in herds and enjoy it)

Iron Man! Go See It!

2008-05-01T00:42:00.004+09:00

There are some good things about life in Korea that do not relate to women and no enforcement of driving laws. One of them is that all new movies premiere here, since Korea’s (see IMDB)large population of pre-pubescent netizens are very good at providing instant copies of all new movies for sharing on-line. The movie companies got smart and decided that it was better to get the ticket sales from opening night and still get some revenue than premiere elsewhere and lose all sales to pirate versions released before the movie opens in Korea.

Well, I went and saw Iron Man that premiered today. It is apparently the first Marvel Comic Book series that Marvel produced directly, and I have to say I hope this is the start of a long and fruitful career for them. The movie was excellent. No sex (well, sex scenes, but no actual sex), no swearing, only off-screen or momentary violence, etc. The movie has lots of great action, a fun story, witty lines. It is all around a great movie. Robert Downey Jr. does well as Iron Man, and Gwyneth Paltrow does a good job as an older 아줌마. I didn’t realize it was her, because she used to look a lot younger and sexier like 10 years ago. I guess you are getting older when you remember her as being young and sexy when she started out her career (at the same age as you) and then you think she is an 아줌마 (albeit a pretty one) now. Anyway, go see the movie. It is well worth it. They are going to make a killing on it as it was a “low-budget” movie at only a mere $100 million (It is sad that $100 million is considered low-budget now, but I guess it apparently is). Spider man apparently cost 3 times that to make, and I really think Iron Man is better. Maybe that’s just my dislike of a whiny, nerd as the hero instead of a cool, slick guy like Iron Man.

Root beer worth its weight in gold

2008-04-24T01:59:00.002+09:00

Look at this picture. Does that root beer strike you as being worth 24,000원? I agree that the previous price of 10,000 a case was really taking it up the tailpipe, but hey, we all are at the mercy of our root beer taste bud. I visited the hole-in-the-wall store that sells it today, and she announced that the heavy weight, and therefore the difficulty the person has in smuggling it off base has caused her to raise her price per case to 12,000원. That is like 4 times the price on base! I already had these in hand and had made the trip, so I bent over and took it like a man, but even my root beer taste bud will not convince me to go again for that price. I am going to have to buy some of the 1-liter bottles they sell in the food court every time I go on base, and then go and bug Costco about importing the damn stuff. They would have a corner on the market. If they can get crappy cream soda in, they can definitely do root beer.

Naming Your Son the COO of Samsung?

2008-04-24T01:55:00.003+09:00

I was astounded at Samsung’s announcement today. It read: “We bent you (you as in Korea collectively as well as all of our investors) over and had our way with you, and now we will go on ahead as if nothing happened.” Well, that’s not exactly how they phrased it, but that’s sure what they meant. They announced that their funny-looking (kind of freaky if you ask me) Chairman will now resign to accept responsibility for all the problems, including the tax evasion and illegal transfer of ownership to his son. In fact, he felt so bad about his role that he is naming his son as COO for his last act. Boy, that sure is one nice guy. I really think he is on to something. I think Clinton should have followed his example and instead of denying he had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky, he should have resigned and named her secretary of state.

I am just amazed (I shouldn't be, because all the 재벌s have their figurative way with the Korean people, but still, doesn’t this border on ludicrousness?

Buddha, Jesus, and Door Lock Systems

2008-04-22T23:45:00.001+09:00

Update: So we found out what caused the mysterious opening and closing of the lock. They set up our phone system so when you press 18, it opens the lock (so we can ring in people when they knock on the door). Well, that was apparently a phone line, so when comeone called the office, and was connected to oen of our office phones, but that phone call wasn't answered, it woudl be automatically transferred to the next line over. Eventually, when we all ignored our phones, that got moved up to line 18 and triggered the lock. I tested the theory and indeed, if you call our office and press for line 18, you get the lock and it opens for you. Again, this will only work tonight, because we will have the phone company in tomorrow to fix this issue, but still, pretty amusing if you ask me.

This is not the punch-line to a funny joke. We are in an area of the city which really caters to solicitors apparently. We used to get a solicitor every week or so in our old office, but I swear we get a couple a day in our new place. We had a 스님 in asking for money, and no more than 10 minutes later, we had some missionaries trying to convert us. I suppose word got around that we don’t turn people away. So the solution to all the solicitors was to get a door lock system to keep the pesky people out. Only problem is, it keeps malfunctioning and will open several times about every hour or so. The result is, if you wait outside our door, you can just walk right in, day or night, whether we are in the office or not. They are coming to fix the system tomorrow (they had better, the thing cost a hefty $550), but I suppose if you wanted to rob us of all our stuff you could do it tonight. Well, I guess you would have to wait for an hour perhaps until the lock undid itself. Once we get the system fixed, I will then go and press my buttocks up against the glass whenever someone comes soliciting. That will horrify them and they will no longer come. I will be safe from their wrath by virtue of our lock system. Let’s just hope it doesn’t malfunction again at that point.

Note Updqte on Sin Young Motel Below!

2008-04-22T23:44:00.001+09:00

I did go back and get a clearer picture. Actually though, the picture I reloaded is one a friend took with his phone. Mine were during the day, so you don't get the cool lights.

Beef! It's what's for dinner!

2008-04-21T23:56:00.001+09:00

I just have to keep laughing about the whole beef thing. I have to say it is the best thing that has happened in Korean politics in a long time, because there are so many ironies. First, you have everyone who voted for M.B. who are now up in arms about the beef. This is ironic, because he kept saying he was going to improve the economy, part of which was help bring down food prices, and he has certainly brought them down. Yet all his followers, with their undying support of the farmers, are willing to pay the highest prices in the world for beef to support an insanely small population of family farmers that live off of a few cows a year that they raise. The news today said beef prices tumbled 20% just on the news of M.B. dropping all restrictions on imports. Just wait until that juicy set of ribs off a Texas Longhorn gets in stores. They say it is 1/4 the price of Korean beef. Those prices are going to come tumbling down. What’s even better is that not only is this bringing down beef prices, but pork prices also fell 15% today because pork is seen as a replacement for beef. So not only were we helping all those cow-massaging ranchers get fat, but also the pig ranchers as well. I can’t wait to see if all those people who are choking chickens also get kicked where it counts. I was watching my wife get very irritated with M.B. and the news, and I just had to gloat.
“I can’t wait to eat all of that great beef,” says I.
“I can’t believe this. Everyone is going to get mad cow disease because of the damn Americans.”
“That’s part of our plan for continued world dominance: We bring all our competitors into submission by poisoning them with our beef.”

Besides, I don’t’ see what the beef is all about. After all, South Korea gives so much food to NorKs anyways. Might as well give them any beef that is contaminated. It will bring an end to the regime (since any meat certainly would only go to the upper class up there), and they certainly won’t have the sophisticated equipment that South Korea apparently has, which allows them to detect a chip of bone in 20 tons of meat.

When does it go bad?

2008-04-21T23:54:00.001+09:00

So I have a container of milk from Costco in my fridge. Korean milk has a short expiration date compared to the U.S., I hear because it is not pasteurized here.
This milk passé its date on April 14, exactly one week ago. However, it tastes fine still, so I am drinking it as of yet. Any advice on this? Do the Koreans just make conservative poll-dates? I seem to remember U.S. milk going bad pretty soon after it’s poll-date, but Korean milk seems more robust. Maybe there is something to be said for massaging cows after all.

Lesbian Lemmings?

2008-04-21T23:53:00.003+09:00

I got out exercising most nights in the nearby 안양천. It is surprisingly quiet down in there, because it is shielded from all the roads by large ridges on either side. If you refer to entries very early on in this blog, you can see why. They are flood walls. Anyway, I always notice that Koreans don’t dress to match the occasion, they dress according to what the perceived norm is. This is a pretty typical Korean cultural trait. They have a super-strong tendency to be a lemming (maybe that’s why they pee all over things when they are drunk or when they are kids). At any rate, if you are going hiking, you have to be dressed as such, fishing the same, biking the same, etc. So all these people believe it is spring still, much to cold out to wear shorts. They must wear long sleeves, and coats in some cases. I caught a picture of these two young lesbians (oh wait, I forgot this is Korea) out in their cold-weather gear. I wore shorts and a t-shirt, and I was sweating the whole time.

Drink till you drop!

2008-04-21T23:43:00.002+09:00

So the water in Seoul. Is it safe to drink? We recently started looking at hiring a PR company to help us out, and they were introducing their clientele to u to impress us. One of the clients was the city of Seoul, and one of the projects they did was to promote the fact that it is safe to drink the water in Seoul. I don’t think people doubt that it is safe to drink the water as it comes out of the water treatment plant, it is all those ancient pipes it travels through to get to us, and that beautiful copper color when you have been on vacation for a long time or when they clean the water tank. Anyhow, the company said they ran into problems when midway through the campaign it came to light that the Seoul City Hall used bottled water instead of drinking from the tap. If you ain’t going to drink it, guess you can’t expect anyone else to.

What do these idiots have to do with this you ask? They are the models for pomorting Seoul's water. Somehow a half-naked due doesn't want to make me drink it. Maybe if she lost her top...

S.E.S. Reflections

2008-04-19T00:37:00.004+09:00

Well, I admit that I like the girl bands of the late 90s, SES and FINKL. In fact, they are way, way better than the stupid bands out there now, like the Wonder Babies. Just compare the music videos each group made in New York: SES's Love and Wonder Babies: Wishing on a Star. As the one dude writes in the comment section, the SES video is 10 years old, but still looks great. The Wonder Girlies is brand new and looks like crap. At any rate, I really like the breakout song for S.E.S.: I'm Your Girl The interesting thing is that with S.E.S., you really had 바다 who could sing, and then 유진 and 신발 who could hold a tune. 바다 sings circles around them. If you watch the video, the normal voices are 신발 and 유진, and then the really good voice is 바다. I would guess things got touchy amongst the three of them because 바다 probably tended to get all the attention with her voice, while 신발 and 유진 backed her up. If you look at bands like FINKL and BABY Vox, you had one or two members with good voices, but not good as in "I'm really good and these other two girls just kind of back me up" good. Anyway, just thought I'd reminisce about the good-old-days when girlie bands battled fem-wad bands and won. Now all the gay boy bands seem to be the only popular ones because the wonder infants can't do anything but a stupid dance and song that repeats tell me over and over to an annoying tune that won't get out of your head once it's stuck there. Learn from your 언니들. Go for the cute look when you are only 18.

Yum Yum! A Bit, thick, juicy (and cheaper) steak headed my way

2008-04-19T00:26:00.003+09:00

You know, having a semi-crazy president who suddenly decides to wreak havoc on the markets by changing every single restriction against big business, real estate, and commerce in general isn't all bad. If you can look past the completely stupid, retarded, idiotic, and in all other ways "dumber-than-a-fencepost" ideas like big canals, M.B. Lee is not all that bad. Point in case, he is going to let us get better beef. I like the real nuts who go out protesting this stuff in their cow outfits. I bet they're the same nuts who don't eat dog. I guess they'll never know the joys of eating dog. In fact, they'll never get offered that succulent treat they call dog penis, because they will never frequent a fine dining establishment like a 보신탕집 enough to get offered one. Maybe they will get offered the chicken penis if they go with dog-eaters and eat 삼계탕 enough.

BJs Help Prevent Aids!

2008-04-19T00:17:00.003+09:00

I can't tell you how grateful I am to live in a country that is so open about these important topics. I mean in some societies its a faux pas to talk about blow jobs and aids in public. But In Korea, they are all about the straight talk. I would expound on the cultural ramifications of having such an open society, but I have to exercise my lips. AFter all, it is for the better cause of preventing aids. I mean does "moving your lips to prevent aids refer to just one person? Why don't we all move our lips for each other and prevent even more aids? We can get rid of this nasty disease in no time if we all just try a little bit more.

Sin Young in 영등포 (If I've ever seen one)

2008-04-19T00:09:00.004+09:00

Update: I went back to get another picture. In fact, I went back with another guy and we ate McDonalds in front of the motel so I could get pictures. He felt gay doing that. But at least we didn't go in to the motel when the owner came out and told us to either come in or move the car.

Original Post: I moved to 영등포 recently. I knew the area had a good reputation for the oldest profession on earth. Then my friend pointed out this motel as we walked by and I knew it was a great place. The "Sin Young Motel"? I guess they are pretty clear about who their target market is. I wish I had one of these motels for those young , guilty people where I was growing up. Now that I am married, it doesn't do me much good. Maybe I need to go find the Sin Married Motel. As if on cue, we ran into a couple about 10 meters down the street that were practially sinning young right there in the street. So we graciously pointed them in the right direction.

I once again promise...

2008-04-19T00:08:00.001+09:00

I was ust looking at some of my earlier entries. Go back and read my funeral entry. Nothing brings out a sense of humor like a death in the family. Anyway, I really do want to continue writing.

The French Party Might Be Better

2008-01-03T09:17:00.000+09:00

I recieved the following invitation as part of being a member of AmCham (this membership is now pretty much useless as it doesn't get you a base pass for the Yongsan U.S. Army Base. Now it only gets you invitations to expensive parties). See Below:

I was discussing this with my friend and decided that not only are parties like this awkward to go to and make you feel like you are only 'acting like high society', they are very expensive. 225,000원 a person is not my idea of a cheap cover charge. Then you have to look at all the other people dressed like this.

The other thing is that I am way too cheap to buy a whole table, which means I would be seated with people like this. I can imagine it would be hard spending the evening talking with people you don't know who likely make more money than you and don't really think you belong. At any rate, our final conslusion is that hte French definitely know how to throw a better party, and their party is no more expensive, even if you are not a member. Au Revoir AmCham! BonJour Framcham!

Snow in the countryside

2007-12-30T20:50:00.000+09:00

I swear that Seoul gets a lot less snow than everywhere else. I was down in Chung-Cheong Nam Province in my wife's hometown of Hong-Seong. It snowed about 3 inches overnight, and then an0ther couple in the morning. Why can't we get lots of snow like that in Seoul? I have seen pictures of Seoul from many years ago with lots of snow and the Han River frozen over. In fact, they used to ice skate a lot on the river. I guess all those turds in it give it enough salt content that it doesn't freeze.

Korean Funerals

2007-12-27T22:06:00.000+09:00

There are lots of things I don't like about U.S. funeral customs, like the idea of a drugged up body slowly rotting over years inside a gaudy casket in a big cement tomb. Imagine the gross drippage you would get after awhile. I'd much rather have worms eating me within a year.

Anyway, Korean burials or cremations are generally much simpler. Having said that, they also have their quirks. These are just a few among many.
1. 아이고 (I go. As in I go crazy with the number of times we had to say this). This very useful word becomes overused at a funeral. People are supposed to express sorrow between the 소주 (soju) and the 고스톱 (go-stop game). So they use this word to do so. Some people try to make it sound real as if they truly lament the loss of the person (which I'm sure some do) and some don't even try, but it is just what you do. In fact, the dude guiding us through various rites before the cremation insisted that we all say it over and over as we did each set of bows.

2. 고스톱 and 소주 (go-stop game and soju) I suppose this may not be such a bad tradition, but coming from a different funeral culture, it cracks me up to see guys who are pretty much just waiting for someone to die so they have an excuse to go 'mourn' while they drink and play games literally all night. In fact, you have to pretty much kick them out by announcing you are leaving with the body of the dead person and no longer will be renting the space for them to play in.

3. Cremation: I know not all cremation places are this efficient, as I have been in lots who meet U.S. standards and you wouldn't have seen this. But this was in 울산 (ulsan) which is a 광역시 (large city). Anyhow, we took the coffin in from the bus, and the dude had us set it right on the cart that rolls in to the furnace. Then he pushes it in. We come back in an hour and a half to meet a well cooked set of ashes. Then as if to comfort us, he invites each of us to pick up some of the charred bones of our dearly beloved and put them in a bucket. I'm not sure how that is supposed to comfort you, but apparently it does. Then they take those ashes and bones (which would be very awkward to sprinkle somewhere) and grind them up in a blender for you (it was a big industrial blending machine at least) right before your eyes. Anyway, it was kind of odd. One other odd part was when they wrapped up the body at the hospital to put in the coffin. They invite the family in and the body is wrapped up in white wrappings up to the neck. Just like a mummy. Then they invite you to come touch the cold, dead face of your dearly beloved. I’m not sure anyone would want to do that, but they pretty much insist, so in the end, a few people have to. Then they promptly put a hood over the face. It is just like a burlap sack. That is kind of odd.

4. Great place to get a date: No kidding, you wouldn't believe the number of couples that hook up at funerals. I was attending my father-in-law's funeral, which means I am married and my wife is there. Her half-sister introduced me to her friend who had been making eyes at me all night. That's an odd place to try to hit on someone, much less someone married who is attending their father-in-law's funeral, so their wife is clearly present. Plus it was my half-sister-in-law doing it. But at the same time, it is a long three days, and there is not much to do other than drink, play 고스톱, and say 아이고.

5. Money at various points: These people certainly don’t know you can’t take your money with you when you die. At various points throughout the funeral, the funeral director asked people to put money up on the coffin, in with the body, on the coffin as it is being taken in to be cremated, etc. It is awkward when it is a father-in-law who ran away and deserted the family 20 years earlier. Everyone is looking through their wallets for 1,000 bills. You see all the 10,000 KRW bills go by, but nobody wants to waste that good money on a bum.

A Long time Gone

2007-12-27T22:04:00.000+09:00

Well, I have been gone for a long time from the blogging world. I was reading through some of my old posts after I accidentally opened my blog. I thought they were pretty good and wanted to start up this again. I have just been extremely buys in my new job (a non-Korean company, thus the busy part) and haven't had a lot of time to write. I will try to write occasionally, but who knows how often I will make it.

What about the FTA?

2007-04-07T15:41:00.000+09:00

No, really! What about it? I just got back from a two week vacation in the U.S., and only heard from a coworker that a negotiation had been reached, and now needs to be approved by each government. I didn't even know that there. I got back to Korea, and everyone at work kept making sarcastic or deriding comments about the U.S. All the Korean news programs were about how horrible it was for Korea and why did they even negotiate in the first place. Then someone at work asked what the reaction in the U.S. was. I said I didn't even know it had been approved and nobody there cares. Just to check, I did a search on NPR, and they have only one story that mentions it in passing, along with FTAs in Panama, and some other country. That was it. Nobody cares in the U.S. That amuses me even more to tell that to the Koreans and see them realize that it really doesn't matter to the common U.S. person.

Actions Which Defy Logic

2007-03-19T18:21:00.000+09:00

So I know that humans in general are not rational, but Koreans seem to be particularly so in certain cases. Case in point: I was at a church meeting on Sunday and the guy by the door was upset with all the people coming and going during the arduously long 2 hour meeting. So he decided to take action and lock the only door that was unlocked (at the very back). It locks from the inside, and he would just ignore knocks from the outside. Then he would scare away little kids trying to go out. But he could not do this to women with children in their arms, or men tall enough to open the lock themselves. Here is such a shot of him opening the door for a woman with a baby. Then all the people that had gathered outside waiting to come in would then troop on in. In effect, he was not stopping anyone from going in or out, just causing them to do it all at once. This went on for about 30 minutes until he finally gave up and just opened the dang thing. First, all I can say is that if a fire started in the room, we would see one more news story about a stampede and people being burned to death in the fire since they couldn't get out the door. Second of all, if you are going to stop people from going back and forth, you should stop them, not keep opening it for everyone but little kids. Anyway, it was entertaining and chased the sleep from my eyes momentarily.

Can you say "Learn English"?

2007-03-15T21:55:00.000+09:00

Well, the worst nightmare of all those people who hate English and don't want to learn it in my company have come true. Although the CEO is still Korean, He is changing all but 2 members of the top management team to foreigners. That means a total of 7 foreigners, 2 Koreans. Hmm... Those meetings will be a little bit less Korean, and a lot more foreign. Can you say culture clash? A company that up until last year had 0, count them, 0 non-Korean executives, will now have a HQ filled with them. The jury is still out on whether they will be qualified or do a good job, but they will not be Korean at any rate. All of those narrow-minded, racist executives who always ignored what the non-Korean employees wanted or said, but now themselves must report to one, are about to get a rude awakening.

Is This Really the IT Capital??!!

2007-03-13T15:17:00.000+09:00

So, I was reading about this new service from the government in the 중앙일보 (Joongang Daily). It lists all the places your citizenship number is registered. This is easy in Korea because to register for any online service, you need to enter that number, which is then checked against a government database, so the government knows when it has been checked, and by which site (in theory). I will not comment here on how stupid this is and what a big security risk it makes for your number, that is for another post. Anyway, so I thought I would check me and my wife's numbers, but you go to the site, click on the three places that provide the service, and they each give you similar messages:

안녕하세요.행복한 사람들의 좋은 습관 크레딧뱅크입니다.행정자치부와 함께하는 주민번호(ID) 클린 캠페인 내 주민번호를 찾아라! 서비스 사용자 증가로 서비스가원활하지 못한 점 양해말씀드립니다. 원활한 서비스 제공을 드리기 위해 최선을 다하겠습니다. 잠시 후 다시 접속하여주시기 바랍니다.

A rough translation says: "We are dumb-asses and therefore did not anticipate that in the most wired country on earth, which a large netizen population, that more than 200 people would try this service. Therefore we did not prepare very well and you cannot connect right now. Try back in three years when we get together enough budget to buy a real server. --The government (we are just as smart as our head of state).

Well, that is not an exact translation, but you get the idea. They turned it off because there were too many people and it was crashing the server. Hmm... You would think they could come up with something in the most wired country on earth. this happens a lot here though. Just because they are very wired, does not mean they are secure or reliable. I watched another MBC news story over the weekend that said banks and government ATM service machines all use Windows as their O/S, and thus are all vulnerable to hacking. They showed how on the government ones, and then said they could not get permission to try on the bank ones, but that it was the same system, thus very possible. Hmm... maybe we should move our assets to a bank that we can sue, like citi Bank or something.

White Out! Why can't we get this more often?

2007-03-09T14:09:00.000+09:00

This is the picture of that snow storm that rolled across Seoul on Wednesday. That was awesome. I just want to know why we can't get that more often. I love snow. I will have to go skiing this weekend to finish off the season. I heard a story on the news about how people in the traditionally wintry states at the north of the U.S. love snow and love huge storms. I would too.

Those Voices in My Head! Or Wherever!

2007-03-07T10:30:00.000+09:00

As many of you may know, Korean journalism as a whole is about as respected and truthful as Professor Hwang and his cloned dog are. But I still just want to go slap reporters around when they add in unsourced, unfounded commentary to their articles. This is not particularly of any personal interest to me, but is just an example. I was reading an article about how Samsung and LG both decided to give very minor (Samsung) or no (LG) raises to their employees this year. Well, near the end of the article, old Billy Bob reporter throws in this: 또 국내 대기업들이 매년 생산성을 웃도는 과도한 임금 인상을 반복해 왔다는 사회 전반의 비판적인 목소리도 임금 동결에 영향을 끼친 것으로 보인다. (Also, widespread criticism (from voices) that large companies have repeatedly given large raises that outpace productivity to their employees was a factor in the freeze on raises this year.) Of course the voices would not be included, just implied in English, but who in the hell is criticizing companies for giving raises to their employees? Widespread means a lot of people, in fact, most people criticize them. Who? I bet not a single employee nor their family criticizes it. I bet not a single employee of other companies criticizes it (they may wish their companies would do it, but that is a different matter). So who? Economics professors that believe in communism? I wanna know the names of the damn commies who criticize this! Don't put stupid quotes that are not true in your articles unless you put a source in and tell which voices are saying this! I just want to go and find this reporter and slap him silly! This is such a common tactic in Korean journalism: hide your sources or make up whatever off-the-wall crap you want to reflect your opinion. Again, the rest of the article has no problems, but then this absolute sewer trashy crap at the end!

Mother Mary! These Parking Prices are Expensive!

2007-03-06T22:15:00.000+09:00

I went to a tragic funeral for a 14 year-old son of a person I know recently. Seeing a funeral like that is very tragic. But seeing the prices the hospital charged for parking was even more tragic. It was the 여의도성모병원 (Yeouido St. Mary Hospital), and you would think a religious institution that is visited by the sick or the grieving would lay off the parking prices, but we were there almost exactly 1.5 hours and paid 5,000원 for it. Nothing switches your mood from sad to mad as fast as a kick in the balls like that. Even a very affluent person I know who attended the funeral found a parking spot outside the next time we went to visit the funeral room. I seriously want to find the 원장 and give him a swift kick in the balls.

As long as I'm talking about parking, Seoul will never, ever be a pleasent city to live in until they start enforcing whatever measly parking laws they have. This means they need to force building constructors and owners to here. ensure they have enough parking, and then tow cars parked along the side of the road. You can automatically reduce any road in Korea by one lane on each side, plus maybe 2 in some areas because of people parking along the side. That is half the cause of the 24/7 traffic

TGIF: This Gross Intestinal Filth!

2007-03-06T21:54:00.000+09:00

I never particularly disliked chain restaurants in the U.S., but coming to Korea brings out the worst in them all. We went to TGIF the otter day for lunch. We arrived at 12:10 or so, and the place was nearly empty, but it took 15 minutes to get an order placed. Then me and my co-worker ordered the same thing. HIe came out about 10 minutes later, and mine came out 30 minutes later. My other co-worker's burger was even later than that, and was still moo-ing at him. You can see the red meat in this picture. Some people like their steaks rare, but hamburger patties? I don't think anyone eats them that way...Scratch TGIF off my list of places to go...

Is that 북창동 as in "北娼洞"?

2007-03-04T14:12:00.000+09:00

After having originally heard of 북창동 (buk-chang-dong) on another blog (same title as this post), I wondered if that kind of stuff was actually going on. Well, I can say I have been there and don't really know yet. Last week, my boss and a coworker were having dinner with some other people from our company. After dinner, they grabbed my arm and said "we have some stuff to take care of in the office" to the other people, and thus excused us from the group. They then said, "let's go sing some songs." So we went over to the happening part of 여의도 (Yeo-ui-do) if there is such a thing, and they could not remember where any "good places" were. So my boss said, "Let's go see 지영", apparently knowing some person in another 노래방. so we hopped in a taxi, and to my surprise, my coworker told the taxi driver to go to 북창동. Hmm... I had never been there, but only ever read the post in the aforementioned blog, thus I wondered what we were getting into. We quickly arrived, and then found the 지영 lady we were looking for and were ushered into a very typical 노래방 (at least typical for the ones that provide women). Then 20 minutes later, in come the women. I am thinking, "hmm... from what that other blog said, these women are going to start doing extreme stuff." But it turns out my coworkers found the only 노래방 in 북창동 that doesn't do that stuff. I am not sure if they thought that this was the 북창동 that everyone talked about, or what? So we hung out and they got drunk for a couple of hours (I don't drink). Then my boss calls back in the hostess after the girls leave and says, "Now we want the 북창동 girls. The alcohol and women before cost 540,000 KRW, so I am thinking surely this will cost more for 북창동 women. But she is saying it will just be 500,000KRW, but we need to pay in Cash. Well, my boss said okay, but it turns out everyone else in 북창동 was busy with 북창동 girls, and so after ours were delayed a bit, we ended up leaving without ever meeting the 북창동 girls. I guess what puzzles me about this situation is why would you not just order 북창동 women in the first place? That just seems doubly dumb to me. Not only do you have to pay twice, but you are way too drunk to comprehend what is going on by that time anyway. Well, the one thing I did learn is that 북창동 is right behind 시청 (city hall), which makes me think there must be a lot of politicians going there), and not all women in 북창동 are 북창동 women.

Letdown at Hooters: Food, not Women

2007-03-01T21:47:00.000+09:00

So like many bloggers in the Korean blogesphere, I took a trip to Hooters, and now am going to write about it. As you can see, one of my friends brought his daughter. She is posing with an I Love Hooters balloon. How cute! I first wondered if having a young gal around would dampen the atmosphere, but quickly came to realize there was about as much atmosphere to dampen as at McDonalds. I was not very satisfied with the experience. I guess having heard stories about the U.S. Hooters, I was expecting there would be more cleavage to hide from, but none of that here.
I'm not ripping on the girls, because most of them were pretty (b cups at best, but I prefer petite women ). But from what my more experienced companions said, the women in the U.S. have real cleavage, and it pushes their uniform far enough away that... well, you get the point. Plus the uniforms are a bit more low-cut. You can see one shot of the restaurant with a nice side view of the uniform. Look at those bumps!Not on her, those do not qualify as much more than pebbles. I mean the sign up above. Here is a closer view of it. That is just amusing, because nothing with that shape was anywhere to be found. In fact, the restaurant is pretty small, and just feels like some really small restaurant. It has no feeling of being a pub or bar or having any kind of reason not to take kids there. I'd say they have not done that good a job setting up the image of the restaurant to match with the reality. Well, it was true that the justification we had for going there was the food. So how was the food? I can only say that it was very,very underwhelming. I had a beef Phillie, and it was a nice, big sandwich, but it was very dry and not that good. I think an Arby's Roast Beef would be better than this one was. Then there are the chicken wings and legs pictured here. They were the skimpiest, leanest wings I have ever had. I could not believe they would sell them at fairly expensive prices and call that their famous wings!

Well, needless to say, I cam away disappointed. Even the little dances they do were really, really lame. You can see some people watching, but it wasn't even enough to catch our attention. With the expensive prices, the lame atmosphere, the poor food, I don't see any reason to go there. I guess it was fun to see pretty waitresses, but pretty girls in Korea aren't exactly a rarity. hmm... Better try a different place next time. If you're going for food at a good price. The Lost Nomad has some good ideas...

McMorning! It's about damn time!

2007-02-27T14:36:00.000+09:00

I've had breakfast at McDonalds a few times now, and all I can say is that it's about damn time! The bacon is real bacon and the sausage is real sausage. The eggs are perfectly round from being cooked in their little cups. It is a true McDonalds breakfast, complete in an English Muffin. Now I admit that a good breakfast by Mom can't be beat by McDonalds, but we're in Korea, what else can you get?
The one thing that worries me is that Koreans don't seem to like it. The place is always deserted in the morning. I am afraid they will cancel this within a few months. I call on all foreigners to eat there every morning for a month. that should increase their sales enough to convince them to keep it. After that, we can enjoy the breakfasts forever.

Gentle, wonderful Korean men

2007-02-27T13:59:00.000+09:00

The New York Times ran an article on all the Korean men marrying Vietnamese women. It was pretty interesting. I really feel that the Koreans are completely respecting their counterparts. The agency mentioned here seems particularly well-run. I mean look at this quote: “One last thing. Other companies allow you to sleep with the women on the first night. We don’t. Only on the bridal night. We must, after all, keep our decorum as Korean men. Is that O.K. with you?” You can't be more reputable than that! I mean making them wait until their wedding night! That really adds dignity to the situation.

It is also apparent these women completely understand the situation they are getting into. I have worked with Korean many for many years, and I can completely attest to what she is saying: "To be honest, I don’t know much about Korea except what I’ve seen on television,” Ms. Vien said. “But the Korean landscape is beautiful. Korean men look sophisticated and affectionate. They seem responsible, and they live in harmony with their family members and their colleagues.” That affectionate one hits it right on the head.
Here is a true one: “Nowadays, Korean women have higher standards,” said Lee Eun-tae, the owner of Interwedding Agency. You mean that Korean women don't want to do dishes, take care of kids, make food, deal with you when you are drunk off your feet, just after getting back from banging a prostitute with all of your buddies? Wow, these picky Korean women!

Small Face Plastic Surgery?

2007-02-22T22:06:00.000+09:00

I went to visit a certain popular restaurant (which I may review later) near Ap-gu-jeong station (압구정역) when my friend ran across this winner. It looks just like a subway map, eh? Well, take a closer look.

That's right, it's 작은얼굴성형외과. Or as the English shows, "Small Face Plastic Surgery. Whilst I commend the doctor on his willingness to name his clinic in a descriptively accurate way, I wonder what other names this could spawn. So women get plastic surgery for small faces. I can't wait to see the Hard-on Dog Soup Restaurant. Or the Big Johnson Pump Store. Or how about the Ridiculously Overpriced Department Store? Even the "Our Food Sucks But Our Waitresses are Hot Steakhouse could come into business. Or every taxi driver in Seoul could write "I Roll to an Extended Stop to Rip You Off for that Extra Baek Won Taxi" on their car.

Harisu to tie the knot!

2007-02-22T21:58:00.000+09:00

I remember the first time I ever saw a picture of Harisu was in a sports paper while I was at work in 2001. I was looking for a paper to read while seeing a man about a horse, and saw it, and thought it was a pretty girl. I then sat down, read the story, and about puked. I never would have made that mistake had I seen this picture. You cannot tell me that in that top picture it does not look like a dude kissing another dude on the cheek. That is disgusting. They are going to tie the knot in may. It's a damn good thing it's until 'death do us part', because in some religions you are restored to a perfect state, and perfect in Harisu's case means with a penis. At any rate, I suppose she, it, whatever is free to do as wished, but the thought of that just makes me cringe.

Are You Ready to Get Out of Korea?

2007-02-22T09:38:00.000+09:00

This is the funniest thing I have read in a long, long time. It is worth taking to measure how ready you are to get out of here. You might want to empty your bladder first. Here is just one questions, not the funniest, but just one:

18. Koreans quickly get riled if one says in English "Seoul University" (as opposed to Seoul National University), but they get puzzled if you transliterate it and say "Gungnip Seoul Daehakgyo" in Korean. This makes you:
Scold foreigners with the same jingoistic and xenophobic phrases your students teach you in ESL class.

a. Weep with anguish because the university can't truly be "national" until the peninsula is reunified!
b. Wonder what a "national" university is in the first place.
c. Realize that Koreans are uncomfortable with foreigners who can decipher the secret language of the peninsula
d. Chalk this up as yet another "unique situation"
Smile, inhale deeply, and remind yourself that it is all playskool in the end

Lady Sings for 59 Hours

2007-02-15T22:28:00.000+09:00

I'm not sure why, but this just made me laugh when I saw it. This lady wanted to sing 1,000 songs for 60 hours to get a world record, and also to show her love for her sick husband. I suppose its that thought that counts, because I would go crazy if someone tried to sing 1,000 songs for me. I don't think she did it in front of him, but still... I just laughed listening to the story. What sent me over the top was that after not achieving the full 60 hours, but still breaking the world record, she had to be hospitalized. Way to go! Great way to show you husband you love him, by going to the hospital. Next time chocolates may work better.

I am a Foreigner on a Scooter in Korea

2007-02-10T00:07:00.000+09:00

I’m not quite an ex-pat, and as such I don’t quite earn what an ex-pat earns. So I don’t quite have enough money to buy a nice car like a BMW. Thus I ride on a scooter. I know it might be odd for a foreigner to ride around on a scooter, although most other foreigners seem to think its fine. But Koreans always think it’s weird. Thus I wear a full motorcycle racing helmet so nobody can tell. If I have my sunglasses on, not even the people at the gas station can tell I’m not Korean.I admit I do look funny in a suit or a trench-coat on a scooter, but it is convenient and it sure beats being stuck in traffic. I cut 15-20 minutes off my morning commute and make it to work in just 10 minutes. Then there is the economics of it.

I put in 9,000원 of gas every 10 days or so and that allows me to ride it to my hearts content. That includes trips from 여의도 (Yeouido) up to the Camp Kim USO, Costco, etc. for lunch. So I do get around on it. That is much cheaper than even the bus or subway
I was talking with my parents on the phone about it and I realized I not only ride a scooter, I ride a very old, worn down scooter. Last time I was in the shop, the guy said it was at least 10 years old. The turn signals don’t work, the horn doesn’t work, the brake light doesn’t work, the ignition didn’t work before I got the battery replaced (it works fine now), and it looks beat up, as you can tell in these pictures. (I remembered also that the gauges don't work, no speedometer or gas gauge. Thus I keep a little water bottle full of gas in the back, just on the off chance I run out in between fill-ups) In fact, the handlebar and front coves are held on by plastic ties, and the seat has tears in it (it already had several, and I noticed a few weeks ago some new holes appeared where someone knifed or keyed it. I must have pissed one of the bicyclists off because I always shove their bikes out of the way to lock mine up. I don’t think he got that it already had tears in it and two more holes weren’t going to hurt). So what does work, you ask? Two things (well, three with the ignition now): the engine and the lights (only the brake light doesn’t come on, other head and taillights work). I guess I’m a cheapskate at heart, so I will just ride it into the ground, and then get a new one. I traded a refrigerator for this one with my brother-in-law, so I didn’t really buy this one either. Anyway, it is a 100CC engine, so I can pass and dodge cars on most roads. I am pleased with it and will continue to ride it until it breaks. My scooter!

Some interesting stats

2007-02-08T13:36:00.000+09:00

A guy at work sent around an e-mail saying how wonderful Korean is. Here is what he sent, only I have added in my comments...

0 평균 아이큐가 세자리를 넘는 3국가중 하나
0 Korea is one of only 3 countries with an average IQ over 100.
- Wikipedia says there are 17 such countries

0 일하는 시간이 세계 2위, 평균 노는 시간은 세계 3위인 잠없는 나라
0 A sleepless country: No. 2 in working hours, and No. 3 in playing hours
-This is good, why? Can you say “불쌍한 가정 생활’? Also, American's work less hours on average; but because we are so productive we have the greatest GDP!

0 문맹률이 1%아래인 유일한 나라
0 Only country in the world with an illiteracy rate under 1%.
-Where do you get your stats from? The U.N. reports that the U.S. has a 99.7% literacy rate and Korea has a 97.9% rate.

0 미국이랑 제대로 전쟁났을때 3일 이상 버틸수 있는 8개 국가중 하나
0 Korea, one of only 8 countries that could last longer than 3 days in an all-out war with the U.S.
- America, the only country in the world that can demolish all but 8 other countries within 3 days. The other 8 countries take 4!!!

0 노약자 보호석이 있는 5나라중에 하나
0 Only one of 5 countries to have seats set aside for old/disabled people.
-That's great, but it's because nobody will move for them otherwise. In the U.S. we are polite enough to give up our seats if someone needs it more than we do.

0 세계 각국 애니메이션 업계의 실무를 거의 다 담당하고 있는 민족
0 The race which does almost all the world's actual animation work for them.
-"we no good at creativity, so you tell us what to do, we do good job.We be very very fast. We do very good job of copy everybody. We are 대한모조국"

0 중국 옆에 있던 나라중 한번도 지도에서 중국이라고 표기된적이 없었던 나라
0 Among the countries bordering China, Korea is the only one which hasn't been marked as being China.
-So where's the map that shows Russia as being China? And Vietnam, Thailand, Kazakhstan? Yeah, that's what I thought.

0 문자가 없는 나라들에게 UN이 제공하는 문자는 한글
( 저~ 아프리카의 제 3세계 국가들 보면 대부분 한글을 쓰고 있습니다)
0 The UN provides Hangul (Korea's writing system) to countries which do not have one. (most of those third-world countries in Africa use Hangul).
-First of all, I would like to see real statistics on how many countries besides Korea use Hangul. Second, English is the only language that is considered to be the global language of business, to succeed in any country English is required. English is the most common 2nd national language in the world.

0 가장 IMF를 단기간에 극복한 나라
0 Korea was the quickest in paying back its debt to the IMF after the Asian Financial Crisis
-Didn't Korea start the whole Asian Financial Crisis (IMF)? The bankruptcy of Kia. Yeah, that’s what I thought. I guess this is one of those basketball things where you can anticipate which way the rebound will go best if you shot the ball. And by the way, who is the biggest donor to the IMF? That's right, U.S.A.!

0 아이큐 전세계 1위인 나라.. 홍콩은 나라가 아님을 생각한다면,,,
0 If you don't count Hong Kong as a separate country, Korea has the highest average IQ
-Various sources say otherwise, but yeah, all that studying…

0 유럽통계에서 세계에서 여자가 가장 이쁜 나라 1위 한국...
0 In statistics from Europe, Korean girls are the prettiest.
-Don’t have much to say about this one. Seems true enough to me.

0 세계 몇 안돼는 단일민족 국가..
0 One of the purest races in the world
-Wait, I thought you were all Mongolian mutts. What’s that spot on your butt? Also, didn't the Kim family (김) originate from a union between a brince and a girl from India?

0 미국도 무시하지 못하는 일본을 무시하는 전세계에서 가장 배짱있는 나라...
0 The country the U.S. can't ignore and that ignores Japan
-Didn’t Dick Cheney just 무시 (ignore) Korea on his Asian tour? Doesn’t the Japanese PM still visit the shrine every year despite Korea’s protests? Who’s 무시 who?

0 세계각 우수대학의 1등자리를 휩쓸고 다니는 머리 하나 끝내주게 좋은 나라..
0 A good country with the top student at the world's top universities.
-Did you know on the list of the top 100 Univerisities, most are from the U.S., and the top 15 are all U.S.? Which is better, to claim the top spot in schools by creating a retarded education system that requires way too much time and money, or have the capability and intelligence to set up an education system that way?

0 세계 10번째 경제, 6번째 군사력을 보유하고도,
개발도상국,중진국이라며 선진국을 본받자는 언제나 발전적인 나라
0 The country with the 6th strongest military, 10th largest economy
-Wait! Who has the No. 1 economy and military? U.S.A. I think it's the U.S.'s 본 (example) you are following.

And arguably the most important stat:
-The American Penis is much bigger than the Korean Penis.

What's the price of an Ex-Pat at Hyundai? $30,000

2007-02-06T15:51:00.000+09:00

If this is true Hyundai is filled with even more dumb-asses than I imagined (I think it's pretty clear their CEO is already one, with his 3-year jail sentence pending). I would particularly like to draw your attention to this: "the pay would be the same as that offered to Korean employees." I'm sorry, but no expat is ever, ever, ever going to work at Hyundai for anywhere near what they pay to their Korean employees. I applied for a job for "Top Level Overseas MBA Holders" last summer, and passed the interviews, thus I was offered a job. Wanna know how much? They offered me 30 million won, with a promise that I would likely get 10 million won as a bonus. Not only was that lower than current salary, but they would not offer housing support, home-leave benefits (airplanes), or ship my stuff to and from the U.S., all very minimal requirements for expats. I was afraid to ask about other benefits like supporting education for my children at a Foreign School. Well, needless to say I do not work for Hyundai. I would like to see which expats these asses think they can get for that amount of money. I think 정몽구 (the CEO) needs a swift kick in the butt, or at least the HR director there.

Why Does Everyone Try to Change Korea's History?

2007-02-06T15:16:00.000+09:00

My wife was complaining about the Chinese Netizens and their accusations that Korea was distorting history in the Jumong (주몽) drama. She was wondering why everyone like Japan and China wanted to change Korea’s history. I then asked her what Koreans think about the U.S. and our involvement here. In Korean I said, “한국 교과서에서 육이오 전쟁에 대해 이야기하면 미국이 도와주러 온다고 하지 않고 UN만 왔다고 되어 있다.” (In Korean history books when it talks about the Korean War, it doesn’t mention that the U.S. came to help, but rather just says the U.N. came.) She looked at me and said “of course! The U.S. didn’t come to help, they came for their own benefit. They would have taken over South Korea as their own colony if the Chinese didn’t help them.” What do you say to that? I went through some of the history and errors in her logic, and then she commented she needed to read more history books. I will just need to make sure they are not Korean history books, or this conversation will take place again…

If you Wanna Go To Heaven There Ain't No "Back Door"

2007-02-06T13:59:00.000+09:00

I about peed my pants from laughing so hard as I watched this. My favorite line was "If you want to go to heaven, there's no back door". I looked through the guys site and he is either one screwed up puppy or has set up a pretty good gag site. I originally saw this on Marmot's Hole, although he was referring to the gay band list. That is pretty good too. I always knw "Enter Mr. Sandman" was a fags song. Trying to get you to go to sleep so they can do something to you! ㅋㅋㅋ

Another Dumb Foreigner on TV

2007-02-05T18:00:00.000+09:00

I hesitated before posting this on my blog, because I know at least one former co-worker will ridicule me to no end for having done this. But having said so, I can partially understand why foreigners look so dumb on TV. I joined a coworker and a friend in two different TV contests. One was on MBC and the other on KBS. The first was an impersonation contest. We just prepared a knock-off of the popular MBC gag, 사모님 (Sa-mo-nim). To make a long story short, our ill-prepared gag routine got us past the first round, which cut 400 entries down to 30 (this done in front of random producers from MBC). Then it got us past the second round (which was a performance in front of the actual 연애인 who are the evaluators for the show. We also got interviewed by and talked to the host, 박슬기 (shown above with your's truly) We were told by the evaluators that we would have been cut if we were Koreans, but since we were foreigners, they passed us. The situation was funny, because there were three of us standing up there on a studio in front of the 연애인. They would then make comments and ask us questions after our routine. But we could barely hear them, because their microphones were running into cameras, not being broadcast. So they only spoke at conversational tones, but we were supposed to hear and understand them from across the room. Thus the dumb foreigner syndrome takes effect. I can understand a lot of Korean, and especially the type of questions they would ask, but from across the room when they are interrupting each other, and you can barely hear them, it is more difficult. We were eventually cut from the third round (no performance, the producers just got together with the 연애인 in a separate room and told them they had to cut the final group of 17, of which we were a part, down to 7. This was after they had said they were not going to 짜 갖고 제작하다. But in the end, that is what they did. We didn't care too much, because they will still put parts of our interviews and performances on the final show, and we also were not very talented. Our second experience was joining a 마빡이 대회. I regret this one more, because I had to lie when they asked what I thought of 마빡이.

Interviewer: What do you think of 마빡이.

Me thinking: it is really stupid. This has to be the dumbest basis for a comedy routine I have ever seen.

Me in reality: I thought it was dumb at first, but I wanted to join today to see if there was something I was missing, a part of Korean culture I did not understand.

Anyway, my friend's wife took some video of us being interviewed by 박준형, part of which interview will probably end up being on the final show. This will be Feb 19 from 7:30-8:30 p.m. on KBS (just in case you want to see some really dumb foreigners trying to get on TV).

Sledding with the Masses!

2007-01-31T10:35:00.000+09:00

Against my will, and against my better judgment, my wife and sister-in-law dragged me with the kid to the Incheon Park (인천대공원) to go sledding. The park runs a sled hill, and charges 7,000won an adult, and 4,000 won a kid. This is what you get. It was a mess. They have two longer hills on either side, but did not turn on their lifts, so you had to walk. Also, the crowds up there were worse than in this pictures and you had to wait 15 minutes for your 5 second ride down the hill with a bunch of other people. Not only that, they tell you not to put your feet in the sled because you then go way to fast. Needless to say I played dumb and scared the workers at the bottom who are supposed to try and stop you from hitting the balloon barricade at the end. That was the only redeeming part. The dumb sled park didn't even open two other runs that they had. Never again! I will wait until it snows, and then go find a hill! I hate this kind of group experience.

No Place to Poo! My Company's Horrible Toilets

2007-01-30T17:38:00.000+09:00

Here is one of our company's toilets. It looks like a decent enough toilet at first glance, but I have a ton of complaints. First, you may notice the bidet on the toilet. "That is very nice of your company," you may say. However, this strikes me as being dirty. It might just be the constant streams of employees who run into the bathroom moaning in pain, sit down, and then literally explode on the toilet, thereafter using the bidet (which undoubtedly just got covered in fecal matter) to give themselves an enema by turning it on super-duper powerful firehose level strength. Mid-enema, you then hear another series of explosions as their body gets its fill of water and ejects said material back out. This is really gross! And no doubt, the toilet gets covered in germs. Needless to say, whoever suggested putting enemas, I mean bidets, on the toilet, didn't think too hard. So the cleaning lady didn't appreciate the way the enema splashes water onto the front of the seat and floor. So her solution was to put the tissue between the front of the seat and toilet, which you can see below up close. You can see from this picture that she just rolls up toilet paper, which then gets drenched by the bidet geyser when it goes off. But does something else happen too? If you look at the front part of the lid and at the top of the bottom side of the lid in this next picture you can see some interesting colors, which are definitely not clear as water is.

The brownish color makes me suspect that indeed something else is happening here. The final straw for me is that not only is there filth and germs on the bottom of the seat, but after each enema, a spray of water is left down the backside of the seat as well, meaning if I want to sit, I either have to get the previous person's enema all over my bottom, or I have to wipe it off. Finally, all of this would be a little bit less retarded if there were strong chemicals being used to clean the bathroom, but I have never, ever smelled anything like that in there. In fact, I have seen the cleaning lady take the used tissues from the trash can and wipe down the sinks and the counter (where we wash our hands). I see plenty of people blow their noses into those things, so I make a point of not touching anything if possible.
I guess the company felt bad about making us use a bathroom in this way, so they pipe in music now. Have you ever tried squeezing out a big one to that great classic "Beat it"? Or how about a song which is perfect to describe my disgust with the bathroom, "Take my Breath Away". Also, I heard Titanic theme song in there today, and yesterday they had "away in a manger", yes, the song about Jesus' birth.

Kim-Ah-Jung is a Great Actress! Oh wait, Maybe She's Just a Babe

2007-01-29T10:07:00.000+09:00

So I saw 미녀는 괴로워 (200 Pound Beauty) over the weekend. I guess all I can say is that Kim Ah-Jung (김아중) has a funny name but is a great actress. Or at least I can't remember enough about her acting to make a fair judgment, because she is a babe. I guess if I could get someone as pretty as her, I would not mind a little bit of plastic surgery. The movie was not as trite as I thought it would be, and actually had a few really funny twists and interesting parts. It is worth seeing just for 김아중 (again, there is a fuzzly line because I'm not sure if it is her acting or that she is a babe, but she does do a good job as the fat person too), and then there is a funny plastic surgeon in there to. I just felt like the taxi dirver in this picture. Concentrated on her so much I missed her actual acting skills. Anyway, we went and bought the soundtrack because it is pretty good too.

Damn TV Companies! How dare they discriminate based on draw power!

2007-01-26T16:48:00.000+09:00

I love this article on naver that talks about how much each category of entertainer makes. It says that the guy on the left (MC) makes about 9 million won a show, popular actresses and actors like the one in the middle can make up to 100 million one a pop, and funny-looking gag actors like the guy on the right make 300,000 to 1 million won a pop. That is a big array. But can't say I care much, because those gag concerts are about the dumbest shows on television. Granted, that other Korean talk shows are not much better, and dramas certainly are not much better, but I would not pay someone more than 1 million won for participation in the gag concert. It talks about how unfair this is to the gag people. I have a suggestion: get out! If you aren't happy with it, nobody forces you to stay.

The USO Review

2007-01-25T09:29:00.000+09:00

So just by looking at these pictures you can see that I need much explanation. These are some of the best damn burgers in Korea. In fact, I am sitting here looking at them and thinking that I will need to go there for lunch today. You can see this first one is the Double Chli Cheeseburger. Two nice patties on buns, covered in delicious chili with some cheese on top. If you are one of the people that has been messed up by eating too much Korean food, you can put onions on it like I do. The odd thing about this chili is it does not give you gas. I posted an earlier review here on Kraze Burger and their chili gave me a lot of gas, despite lacking the nice chunkiness of the USO. I personally enjoy farting, but you can decie if this is an advantage or disadvantage for yourself.
This is the double bacon cheeseburger, also another really good burger. You can taste the bacon on it, it drips grease when you pick it up, it i just a damn good burger too. As you can see, the fries are more pominent in this picture than the burger. The fries are also pretty good. Homemade style.
This is the USO special. We had not seen this one before, but the last time we were there, S ordered it and we were very impressed by the thickness of the patty. He coudl barely get his mouth around the thing. You can see that it is pretty thick. Well, all of this has made me really hungry. It shoudl do the same for you. It is hard to beat the burgers at the USO at Camp Kim in Seoul.

Inter-Korean Tigers Have Love Cubs

2007-01-23T10:52:00.000+09:00

That's a winner headline if I've ever seen one. Apparently a tiger from the south and a tiger from the north got down and dirty and had a cub. It looked something like this picture I found on google. Except that I like to think tigers like missionary style more than puppy dog style, because they probably don't appreciate being referred to as puppy dogs. Also, I wonder what the headline would have been if a tiger that was a gift from the American Zoo had cubs wiht a Korean tiger:

"U.S. Tiger Rapes Korean Tiger"

Or something like that.

Korean Modern Art: Not My Piece of Pie

2007-01-23T10:09:00.000+09:00

So, I have never cared much for modern art, but Korean modern art seems to be created by a lot of perverts. My company has lots of sculptures located throughout the building and in other locations we occupy, and they all seem to be focused on showing normally hidden parts of the body in such a way as to draw attention to them. This was not in our company, but when I was down at this executive retreat, I saw this in the hotel, and it is a perfect example of the type of sculpture we have at work. Except for some reason, our company has a lot more of the male versions of this.

A non-drinker dealing with drunks

2007-01-23T09:25:00.000+09:00

So
dealing with drunk people is never much fun if you don't drink yourself. I just got back from an executive retreat for my company and therefore had to deal with a lot of drunk people. These are just a few of the special things I got to see. Some people in my group were taking a whiz in front of the hotel we were staying at. I just took the second picture for a bit of variety so you can see what it looks like from the other side.
Finally, on the way back from our dinner, one of the occupants of the restaurant van lost it. Luckily, he lost it out the window (lucky for us, I guess bad for the van owner). The picture came out really dark, but after paying around with the brightness and contrast on it, you can see what happened. From this picture, you can only see the splatters on the metal parts of the van, but the whole back window was covered the same way. We all just laughed and laughed about it the whole way home. I'm sure the restaurant owner/driver of the van were not pleased however. I guess this is what happens when people drink 소주 out of normal 맥주 cups instead of the little 소주 shotglasses.

Clearning Ajuma 아줌마 in the bathrooms

2007-01-17T16:12:00.000+09:00

So my friend (C) sent this article on people of the wrong sex cleaning your bathroom as you do you duty. This is something I have been meaning to address on my blog. It is somewhat disconcerting when you are relieving yourself at a urinal and they walk up and ask you to lift up one foot at a time to mop under, or they don't ask and just start hitting your foot. I've also seen cleaning ladies in the bathroom talking on their cell phones while just standing there. I personally would choose to go out of the bathroom to talk on my cellphone, because I consider it rude to talk in a bathroom, much less be a women and talk in a men's bathroom. I liked how one lady’s title in the articles was the Chairperson of the Citizens Commission on Bathroom Culture. How would you like that all day long? Talk about bathrooms for your job.

Kraze Burger: The surch for a good burger

2007-01-15T10:21:00.000+09:00

Continuing the search for a decent burger. I think it was the Marmot's Hole that started the search for a decent burger. That died, so I think I will continue. So I went with my esteemed colleauge to a place called Kraze Burger because we were tried of BK or Popeyes. The one we went to is located close to Yeouido station (여의도역) across the street and down a little way towards taebang station (대방역). The restaurant just looks like any Korean family restaurant, but maybe a little toned down. It had a fair number of customers. We were pleased with the menu, since it had chili cheese fries. I had the basic burger and added bacon to that, and then an order of chili cheese fries. My colleague, S, had a different burger and also chili cheese fries. Neither of us got a drink because we were quick enough to notice they were charging 2,500 a drink, and dropping cans of soda. We weren't about to pay that much for a can of soda, since the burgers were already on the pricey side. for the fries and burger, we ended up paying just over 10,000 KRW apiece, so about twice what you pay for the excuse of a burger at BK or Popeyes or McD. The real test here was the food. It was not bad. The chili cheese fries did not have traditional, chunky chili, it was more like chili puree. It had only small little chunks. Although the cheese was also not real grated cheese, the taste of the chili cheese fries were not bad. We were both pleasantly surprised. The fries were crunchy too, so they didn't just turn into mush with the chili. The burgers arrived after we finished the fries (which brings up service, it was not bad, people were friendly, and even the cook said hello as we went up to pay for it). Although they were not the grease-dripping, manly burgers at the USO, they were not bad. The bread was not traditional burger bread, and was actually pretty good. The contents seemed fairly fresh, and the amazing thing was I could taste the bacon in teh burger. I've only ever tasted bacon in a burger at the USO. Overall, we were pleased with the experience, but not enough so to visit often, because it is twice as expensive as the USO, and not the same level of burger. So we are thinking once a month, for the chili cheese fries, if nothing else..

2007-01-15T09:46:00.000+09:00

Well, I'm not impressed with the size of those hooters as you can see from the video about their training. But I'll reserve final judgement until I try some of those onion rings and chicken wings. At any rate, the news story says it was a 30:1 hiring rate, meaning 600 applied and only 20 were hired. They also say the girls will get 200 million KRW in salary and only work a 5-day work week, plus get othe rbonuses. That is way, way better than any other restaurant in Korea, but probably less than the girls in a room salon.

For Koreans Work is No. 1: Always!

2007-01-11T22:18:00.000+09:00

If you ever need a reminder that work is No. 1, always, for Koreans, try holding a housewarming party. We had one scheduled tonight, and granted, our group is somewhat busy with an upcoming event we are putting on, but not that busy. Anyway, they went to report something to the big cheese, who said the bigger cheese wanted it reported to him too the next day. So they are apparently writing up that right now, but not before going out to a restaurant for dinner. I understand that a housewarming party (집들이) is a lengthy thing, but can't they just eat here, and the two people in the group who are involved in the report go back and work on it? Koreans need to relax and not make work the most important thing in their lives. That is why they don't see the end coming, work until they get to be middle-aged, and then get kicked out by the company. All those years of blind loyalty, and now what? Open your eyes! Take care of yourself, not the company! But they ordered a nice plant and had it delivered to our house ahead of time, before it was cancelled. So at least we got something to compensate us for all the preparation...

Young Students Kick the Chaebol Ass

2007-01-10T23:11:00.000+09:00

These young entrepreneurs seem sto be
kicking the ass of all the chaebols. They are more profitable than the chaebol I work for is. Then again, when your profit margin is like 2%, it ain't that hard. But this just flies in the face of confucianism and the Korean tradition that you need age to have skills and do a good job. That drives me nuts in my company more than anything. Nobody listens to anyone who does not have 5 years+ experience under their built, because they are considered to be 'young and naive'. That just wastes a lot of great young talent and ideas. The best part of this story was the anchor with the laughing look on his face at the end. You have to watch the whole thing (not just htis story) to see it, but it is pretty funny. I like that MBC anchor. He always adds in words that make it more interesting. "놀랍습니다", or "대단합니다"

We've Got No Constitutional Changes!

2007-01-09T21:46:00.000+09:00

A Korean businessman goes to the U.S. on business (plus some golf) and is chatting with his American colleague, who asks, "Who is Korea's president?" As many Korean businessmen (especially in my company) are apt to be, he speaks in Konglish: We have No President" (노대통령). The American is surprised and asks, "You have no president? Do you have any problems running your system that way?" The Korean thinks for a second and says, "Yes, we have No problem." Well, the guy may not be the a 100 watt bulb (I suppose they don't make those here), but he sure knows how to grab the spotlight away from Mrs. Park and Mr. Lee. I think we will be hearing a lot from him and his idea to reduce the presidential term to 4 years and allow for reelection one time. I remember him mentioning it when he was a candidate. That's one thing you gotta respect about him: He says what he wants, for better or for worse (usually the latter).

Friends in High Places, Well, now in prison: FSS Official

2007-01-08T22:05:00.000+09:00

My life is taking the route of a country song. I can no longer say I have friends in high places, but must follow Garth Brook's anthem of having friends in low places. At one point several years ago I taught English to Mr. Kim Jung Hoe (김중회) the assistant governor (부원장) of the Financial Supervisory Service (금융감동원). In fact, as I am writing, I note that I have a gift set of Korean currency he gave to me sitting at my desk here. I wonder how he got it since he has now been indicted on charges of bribery to help a guy buy a bank. That is just so odd, because he really was a very nice person, and like I said gave me the gift. I recall he even gave me the traditional congratulations money for my wedding as I taught him right up until I was married. I wonder who else will lose their job as a result, because I also taught the director of the Banking Oversight Department, which would have had to play a role in this somehow.

Tax Time in Korea and the angry HR People

2007-01-04T19:39:00.000+09:00

This is what happens when it is tax time in Korea. Unlike the U.S., where everyone is supposed

to do their own taxes, the company (or at least some companies) do them for you. We just need to provide the paperwork. So you have 3,500 employees in our building all needing to turn in the forms and paper work and what do you get? You get these 49 boxes of taxes (I counted them.).

The other thing you get are these angry HR people. They build their cave in this room and then post angry signs about what to do and what not to do and what to touch and what not to touch. I guess they should not have pulled the trick last year where they gave an early deadline for turning in forms, and then kept extending it. This year, they gave a relatively late deadline, planning on not extending it, and then got a continuous line (literally standing in line) of people waiting to get help and turn in stuff. Never cry wolf!

We Love To Parade our Foreigners in Korea!

2007-01-03T22:39:00.000+09:00

Korea! Home to the purest race on earth! We don't have many foreigners here because we are such a pure race, but we do love to parade them around!

I cringe every time I see one of these stories. This was on MBC News last night. I just feel sorry for the guy, because he probably didn't know what they wanted anyway. I'm sure they told him they were doing an in-depth interview and asked lots of questions, but then just took the video and chopped it up into nice little parade cuts. So they have this guy, a player in the KBL playing Korean cards, reading a Korean newspaper, and of course eating Korean food. The thing ends with the obligatory greeting in Korean, this one a New Year's greeting that they somehow tricked him into trying out.

It is funny because the introductory comment from the anchor is "It is hard to live in another country, but foreign athletes here have fallen in love with Korea." They then show one guy who plays volleyball and one guy who plays basketball. That is a great sample of the foreign athletes here. I bet it is real accurate. Anyway, these types of "let'ss parade our foreigner around the block" stories makes me want to puke. They need to show the story about the female athlete who gets propositioned by every male in her team's organization and it's parent organization, or the non-white athlete who gets yelled at when he is with his Korean girlfriend. Disgusting propagand story! I can say that because it happens to me a lot at work. My company wants to show how global it is and so anytime they have groups of foreigners visit they like me to come attend. Oh, they don't give me a functional role, like being the host, or introducing LGE, they let the thickly-accented, Konglish-speaking employee who spent a year in Australia do that.

Apple Phone and Google Phone to take over the market?

2007-01-02T19:06:00.000+09:00

Apple and Google are talking about launching cell phones of their own. The article discusses this, and has an interesting quote from Motorola who says they launched their own iTunes equipped cell phone and it wasn't so hot. Then they say "selling cellphones is different from selling MP3 players. The telecom service providers have a lot to say about what gets sold." First, that sounds like a company being scared of a competitor, and second, Apple has kicked around all the music companies pretty well with iTunes. So we shall see if they can do the same to the Telecoms too. If I were LG or Samsung I might take note too. And one final note, any phones from Google and Apple probably wouldn't succeed here because the government would take some kind of action to prevent it, the farmers would gather in protest and burn it (albeit farmers who have sons or daughters that work at SS and LG), and the public in general would not buy a non-Korean product.

Some Questions About Dentistry in Korea / America

2006-12-28T09:33:00.000+09:00

So I took a trip to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned yesterday. They call this 스켈링 in Korean, which judging from the word, probably was scaling originally. I imagine this was like 머플러 (muffler) which isn't what it sounds like since it was used by the Japanese and then brought over here, thus making muffler a scarf, and scaling a teeth cleaning. But maybe the name is more accurate than you would think. In Korea, they don't use a tooth pick to scrape plaque off, they use a little machine which scrapes for them while they hold it against the teeth. But this feels like they are scaling you teeth (as in taking off the outer layer of scales like you would on a fish). It is not pleasant. I never was overjoyed about going to the dentist before in the U.S., but it was not something I dreaded. However, this form of cleaning hurts, and more than that, it feels like its bad for my teeth. Anyone with dentistry experience who knows? Whenever I ask a dentist here, they say to only come once every year, which makes me wonder if it is kind of hard on your teeth.

On the upside, they do cover your face with a cloth, as shown above. This is much nicer than staring a dentist in the face the whole time (although my dental assistant was pretty, so it would not have been bad either). So I really wonder why they don't do that in the U.S. Granted either way the situation is not comfortable, but at least cutting off visual contact makes it a bit less uncomfortable.

Here is my question about dentistry: why do Koreans use a machine to clean the teeth and why do they not in the U.S.? Is the machine not FDA approved? Is it bad for your teeth? Like glasses and the machine Korean optometrists use to gauge your lens correction, is it just a tendency to shy away from technology that replaces people among U.S. dentists/doctors? Next Question: Why don't they ever take x-rays at the dentist office in Korea? I have been four times to three different dentists, and never once had x-rays done on my teeth. Do you need to ask for something different to get that, other than a scaling? Do you really not need an x-ray and U.S. dentists just do that as a precaution (the insurance overkill thing)? Because my dentists here always do tell me I don't have cavities, so they must be somewhat visible to the naked eye. Anyway, a few things to think about...

Forget the Gang Violence, Go for the Foreigners!

2006-12-27T16:01:00.000+09:00

All I can say about this is wow! You'd think the police would have their hands full dealing with groups of students beating up helpless girls, or elementary school girls beating each other up. Or there's at least got to be a murder or rape that needs investigating. According to that first article, I will have to cancel all. my service activities at the orphanage or old people's home too. I just want to go and find the prosecutor who dealt with this and press him for the logic behind these decisions. Koreans get really, really uncomfortable when an illogical, in fact asinine decision has been made and you try to pin them down on why. I suppose the time I will now save by not going to the orphanage can be used to educate the kid, because I certainly ain't sending her to a Korean school...

Some Quick Hands and Good Guitar Work

2006-12-27T15:54:00.000+09:00

This is one of my favoirte songs, and I really like this arrangement. Finally, this guy is really good and has some good improvs.

Setting National Strategy: Is this a Capitalist Society?

2006-12-26T18:11:00.000+09:00

The Blue House announced that President No Mu Hyun will meet each of Korea's four largest Chaebol Chairmans in separate interviews ahead of a business policy conference. This kind of stuff always bothers me. How often do you think the Pres. of the U.S. meets with the CEOs of the largest companies there? I don't know if that would be below the Pres. of the U.S., but it just seems ridiculous to have the head of government meeting with Chairmans of the largest groups trying to tell them what to do.

No Mu Hyun Meltdown! We've Got 'No' P{roblem

2006-12-21T22:27:00.000+09:00

Did anyone else see No Mu Hyun's (노무혅) meltdown last night. I watched it on MBC News and pretty surprised. They scheduled him for a 20 minutes speech, and the guy babbles on for an hour and twenty minutes, making a fool of himself. He called Go Gyun (고견) the only dignified person he ever had in his administration a "failed prime minister". But he was actually calm during those parts. During other parts of his rambling, he got out of control, hitting the podium, yelling, acting out skits. It was pretty hilarious, and pretty un-presidential. "Yes! Surprising!' was how the MBC anchor described it between videos. You know, the guy just needs to learn to stop flapping his yapper sometimes. I bet the whole Blue House spokesman's office either did or wanted to commit suicide. What a mess!

LG Electronics and George W

2006-12-21T15:11:00.000+09:00

So it looks like George W. and the boys have seen the light! They know the power of Korean innovation. If you read that whole, long, uninteresting article about the situation room, it mentions the LCD TV's in the situation room are from LG and NEC. LG also provided a bunch of big screens for W's second inauguration and the LGE N.A. HQ President attended it. So until 2008 LGE is in good with the White House. Just hope LGE did a better job than Hwang did with the cloning stuff...

Hooters? We need a different name!

2006-12-21T10:39:00.000+09:00

So many people want to know what the new Hooters in Seoul that opens on Nov. 18 will be like. So I did some due diligence by entering 'Hooters' in on Naver and came up with a picture from Hooters in Taiwan. Well, all I can say is that they need to change the name. Maybe it can be 'Cute Butts' or 'Semi-Hooters' or 'Small Ones' or something. Any suggestions?

A Drink! To Your Death

2006-12-21T09:55:00.000+09:00

While many people refuse to drink tap water in Korea, and as he points out himself, bottled water is not much safer. At least with tap water you boil and filter it (we do). Plus I believe all of Seoul's water is managed by a municipal agency and pumped out of the Han River, upstream of Seoul. I guess that would be better than pumping it downstream from Seoul. But I would not drink straight from the tap either. Boil, then filter.

Our CEO, Mr. Over-use Authority

2006-12-21T09:21:00.000+09:00

Well, as happens at the end of the year in many Korean companies, we had our executive rotation. Included in that, our CEO changed. The new CEO's name is only two characters. Of course they are based on Chinese characters which mean something else, but they also make up a somewhat common Korean word: misuse, as in to abuse or misuse authority, or overstep one's authority. Well, I saw a document being e-mailed around the Audit department, and they commented on this. Having apparently received a tip from someone who knows the new CEO, they said not to use that Korean word, but instead use a different one which is similar: misuse, as in use for the wrong purposes. As an auditor, that would be annoying: imagine you are trying to explain that one of the CFOs in an overseas office was overstepping his bounds of authority by approving documents only the president of that office could approve? Then what? Misuse of power, and overstepping authority are different in that context. But what can you do if it makes the CEO mad when you use his name that way? This is welcome news to me, because regardless of how much I overstep my authority, it won't be reported that way. I guess I can start approving all my business trip expenses myself now...

Korean Banks in Dire Straits

2006-12-20T09:02:00.000+09:00

So what's a man to do when he needs money out of his U.S. account? Go to a bank with a Global ATM machine, right? Seoul is a big city, it should have a lot of those. Well, they're not so easy to find. I work in Yeouido 여의도, thought of as the financial center of Seoul, and there are only 2 of these Global ATMs in banks (that I know of). One is in the building I work in. It doesn't work. I've pointed this out to the people in the bank before, but they insist they will fix it and don't want me to take off the 'Global ATM' sticker. That was like a year ago and it still doesn't work. The other is in a Korea Exchange Bank. Well, if one KEB has one, you would think they all do, right? That is why they named the bank that way. I stopped at a different KEB on the way home to get some money. Here is the machine (only 1 of 4 has the sticker) with the sticker on it.

Here is a closer view of the sticker which shows that it should accept most cards, especially ones fromt the U.S., right?

But put your card in, and all you get is a prompt which reads that machine only deals with domestic cards, as shown below.

You can see that it only allows you to choose a transaction for a domestic card. I went in to ask the people in the bank and they of course dismissed me as an idiot and that it was my fault. So they went down to show me how to use it, and then realized it didn't work. At that moment, a manager happened to walk by, and he took a look and then said he couldn't tell me for sure when it would be fixed, but they would work on it. You would think it wouldn't be that difficult in this age of easy communication and technology to link that up to the proper system. I could call my bank in the U.S. on my cellphone, why can't they hook their ATM up? The crazier thing is, both KEB and Korea First Bank (the other one in my building) are owned by foreign entities (albeit KEB's owner, Lonestar is a currently unhappy owner, trying to sell, but owner nonetheless). So their own CEO couldn't come get money out on his credit card if he wanted! And the Korea Exchange Bank? What's up with their machine not working? Anyway, go figure that many subway stations carry an ATM which allows withdrawals from any card in the universe, but the banks can't get their act together. No wonder the banking industry has so many problems here... Alan Greenspan needs to come kick some Korean banker butt.

You Can't Get Loans in Korea if you Have Lots of Debt or Little Income!

2006-12-19T18:19:00.000+09:00

I feel it my duty to help those of you new to Korea out by giving helpful hints on living in Korea. The latest one is that you can't get a mortgage if you have lots of debt or a low income. Damn those banks! Damn the Financial Superrvisory Service (금융감독원). The article is from Korea's most trusted news source, Naver of course (second only to OhMyNews), so it is in Korean, but here is the first paragraph for anyone who can't read Korean:

In the future, it will be difficult to get loans if you have lots of debt or a low income.

The Financial Supervisory Service announced on Dec. 19 that it would begin a program to monitor banks to ensure they extended mortgage credit based on the ability to repay it.

To do this, the FSS will ask banks to submit documentation showing they evaluate and base interest and loan amounts for loan applicants on the applicant’s ability to repay loans, including such things as income, outstanding debt, and DTI (Debt-to-Income Ratio).

So all you foreigners who are used to lax loan standards had better watch out. You will be evaluated on your ability to repay a loan before you get one. Good thing I got that loan based on my height the other day. They gave me a good limit since I am tall...

Summer 2006 Floods

2006-12-19T17:35:00.000+09:00

These are some pictures I took during the flooding in Seoul this past summer. I know this bad and worse flooding has occured before, but this was the first time for me to see it first hand. I'm glad I didn't build my house here...

You can tell the water is at least 9 or so feet higher than normal, that is if the Korean kids who play ball here are playing on a standard height rim. Not sure if it is. Haven't tried grabbing the rim. I can't grab 10 feet, but I can grab a lot in Korea, so they must have a lot of non-standard rims. Or have I gotten taller?...

I suppose if I were facing the prospect of a flood, I would probably want to tie down my outhouse too. But this does raise the question of whether or not the water flooded the storage container for said outhouse? Hmm... I'm just glad my water is pumped upstream in the Han River from where the Anyang-Ceon (안양천) feeds in. Not that similar outhouses don't probably exist upstream too. Next time I will have to play a prank and cut the rope... You can also see at the veryleft side, middle of the picture, there is a roof just showing. THis is the rof of a pavillion on a soccer field. So that means the water is pretty high...

And whoever said Yeouido (여의도) wasn't a ture island? I have proof right here! Well, it did take some flooding, but... Note the street sign at the right, middle side of the picture. That is one of the Olympic Roadways. Hmm... Must have shut that down.

What a shame! All that pretty park, under water! Where did all the snack shops go? Thought I would see those floating away! Come to find out, they saw it coming and towed them all up to higher ground. Guess this has happened before...

A Well-Endowed Cactus

2006-12-19T17:21:00.000+09:00

The people who decorated this expensive mexican restaurant in Yeouido (여의도) either have not seen a real cactus, or had a good sense of humor. At any rate, we saw this well endowed piece of art at lunchtime and couldn't stop laughing. I tried to be as inconspiuous as possible while taking pictures, but people probably thought we were a bit odd because it excited us so much. Go figure...